There are three reasons why we do things as parents:

Because we want to

Because we need to

Because we are told to

Ideally, every action we take in caring for our children should be a choice we have made or something which is necessary for the care and safety of the infant. (Nobody actually wants to change a pooey nappy but it is necessary).

However something because we are told to is one area we can filter. Sometimes we are told things presented as options - “You might like to try baby massage” while others are directives: “You must do baby massage every day”

One directive most parents are given is:

“If your baby is fed, has a clean nappy and is happy, you should put them down. It's not good to hold them all the time. “

Good.

What does that even mean? It's bad to hold them all the time? Why? Does this apply to all carrying mammals or just humans because we now have more important things to do?

More important than nurturing a newborn? Really?

You might have been cautioned not to allow your new baby to do certain things, to avoid them becoming bad habits. 

But can an infant actually develop habits, good or bad?

Recently a television series pitted different parenting styles against each other. Being a second series, it broadened the range of parenting labels to fill the space. It is easy to believe there is an official list of parenting styles which can be viewed like a menu, with expectant or new parents selecting one and then following directions.

You might be surprised to learn that most people don't identify themselves as a particular type of parent or even consider they follow a method at all.

In the 21st century women have more control over fertility than ever before. They can prevent and postpone pregnancy until a time right for them. However, having gained control over when to start their family, increasingly women are under pressure to complete their family as fertility declines.

The average age of first-time motherhood in Australia is 32. The average number of births per woman is now 1.7. Age 35 is deemed Advance Maternal Age (previously Geriatric Pregnancy!) and fertility declines significantly from this age. Fertility generally starts to reduce when a woman is in her early 30s, and more so after the age of 35. By age 40, the chance of getting pregnant in any monthly cycle is around 5%. Around 5% of children are now conceived with Assistive Reproductive Technology.

All these years later, people still try to convince parents it is wrong to follow their child's lead, bad to let them sleep (safely) in their parents' bed, breastfeed when they want, be carried and held when they need. In the past thirty years, the evidence to support all these things has grown, not diminished!